Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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