Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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