Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
