Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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