idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
