Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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