Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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