i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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