I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
