I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
did you just send me my own nude
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
