Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
