Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He kissed a someone with a penis
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
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