omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
