In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just high enough for therapy.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
