first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
