I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
