When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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