I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
