the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
