Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
