im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
