the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
