he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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