When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
