i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
