He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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