I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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