remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
