I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
