Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
