6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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