when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
