I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
