I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
