they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
