Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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