Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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