I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
