i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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