Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
