well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
