Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
