I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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