And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
