so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
