I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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