Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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