i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
