hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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