Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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