i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
