She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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