I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
