Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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