Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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