Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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