this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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