I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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